Things To Do While You Wait For Your Family To Shop

1. Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Put some M&M's on lay away.
6. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone."
9. Look right into ! the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
11. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.1
3. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go to the fitting room and yell real loud....."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"

Annoying Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.

2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

3. Crack open your briefcase of purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?

4. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

5. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

7. Meow occasionally.

8. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

9. Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

10. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.11. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

12. Annouce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

13. Say "Ding" at each floor.

14. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

15. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

16. Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

17. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

18. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

19. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

20. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

21. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

22. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

23. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

24. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

25. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

26.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

27. Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

28. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

29. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

30. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

31. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

32. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

33. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

34. Swat at flies that don't exist.

35. Tell people that you can see their aura.

36. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

37. Shave.

38. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

39. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

40. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"

41. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

42. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

43. Leave a box between the doors.

44. Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

45. Start a sing-along.

46. One word: Flatulence!

47. Do Tai Chi exercises

48. Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

49. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

51. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

52. Bring a chair along.

53. Lean against the button panel.