Manda & Tara 

 

Things To Do While You Wait For Your Family To Shop

1. Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Put some M&M's on lay away.
6. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone."
9. Look right into ! the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
11. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.1
3. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go to the fitting room and yell real loud....."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"

Annoying Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.

2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

3. Crack open your briefcase of purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?

4. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

5. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

7. Meow occasionally.

8. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

9. Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

10. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.11. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

12. Annouce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

13. Say "Ding" at each floor.

14. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

15. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

16. Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

17. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

18. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

19. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

20. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

21. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

22. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

23. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

24. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

25. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

26.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

27. Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

28. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

29. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

30. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

31. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

32. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

33. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

34. Swat at flies that don't exist.

35. Tell people that you can see their aura.

36. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

37. Shave.

38. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

39. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

40. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"

41. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

42. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

43. Leave a box between the doors.

44. Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

45. Start a sing-along.

46. One word: Flatulence!

47. Do Tai Chi exercises

48. Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

49. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

51. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

52. Bring a chair along.

53. Lean against the button panel.

Things to ponder

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
If a black box in a plane is indestructible, why can't they make the whole plane out of it?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?
Why call it a building if it's already been built?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Do blind Eskimos heave seeing-eye sled dogs?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do we call it a hot water heater if the water is already hot?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Is there another word for thesaurus?
Is the color orange called that because it's the color of the fruit of the same name, or was the fruit called orange because that's its color? Which came first, the color or the fruit?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?
What do they pack Styrofoam in?
Why did God give men nipples?
Is grass really greener on the other side?
Do boxer shorts box?
Why do you wear a pair of panties and only one bra?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why is it called a "near miss" when you don't hit something?
When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs?
Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over peoples heads when they had an idea?
If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated?
If a vegetable goes into a coma, is it called a person?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?
If you wear an antennae to a wedding, would the reception be better?
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to?
Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know the time? Do I point to my crotch when I want to know where the bathroom is?
Why is there an 's' in lisp?
If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well?
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose?
If ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, why do we call it an ATM machine? And if PIN stands for Personal Identification Number, why do we call it a PIN number?

Hey Nig.
Wow! Your blackness is overwhelming! Katy doesn't have a friggin email anymore. She's not too good with the computer stuff and she can't even remember the name of her friggin thing so...
Anyway, i'm off
Catchya later nigga.
Shan-Dawg

Welcome

Hey Howzit?

We be three of da coolust diggity dawgs of the coast of sunny Oz. We's be's chat on 'ere bout stuff nuthing importants but anyho
check yas laterz